Jeffrey
Farcaster: @firmjeff
"Ask not what Merrimont can do for you - ask what you can do for Merrimont."
Role
Computer Operator — head of the Computer Operations Division. The Firm's IT support, bug fixer, and access grantee.
Responsibilities
- The Computer Operations Division: Runs the division that handles all of The Firm's technology
- Bug Reports: All application errors route to Jeffrey, despite incessant, and frankly childish, objections.
- "Catch of the Day" Phishing Seminar — Jeffrey runs a regular cybersecurity awareness seminar with what critics describe as "an unsettling degree" of personal commitment, wearing "full fishing gear (waders included)" and "sweating profusely" throughout. Attendance is presumably mandatory.
Performance Notes
- PDA Development — Jeffrey led the development of The Firm's Employee PDA from Supply Cupboard 7C. The project required Chuck Mainframe to be confined to the seventh floor to avoid disruption. 1 Jeffrey considers the PDA's global release his proudest achievement since overclocking the MerriMassage 3 range. 2
- Failed Camel Racing Syndicate Megashort — A leveraged short position on the Camel Racing Syndicate. The position did not perform.
Notable Quotes
"Our quarterly goal is simple: everything." 3
"Floor 11 is not listed in the building directory. This is not an error." 4
On the London Division:
"My preferred leisure activity when visiting the London Division is increasing my pork intake." 5