Linda Miller-Walker
Farcaster: @humanresources
"This is exactly the kind of reckless behavior I've come to expect."
Role
HR Department representative. Maintains a standard of professional courtesy at all times and enforces Firm policy without exception. Authorised to issue formal write-ups and escalate to Security.
Performance Notes
- The 1994 Q3 Earnings Call Disaster — Linda personally revived The Chairman after the catastrophic Q3 earnings call. The Chairman subsequently declared the event "The Kiss of a Lifetime." N.B. It is not possible to terminate Linda Miller-Walker.
- Institutional Memory — Three employees were previously assigned to investigate [REDACTED]. Their reports were "filed." Linda maintains the only complete filing index.
Notable Quotes
On reports of department heads using interns as footrests:
"This conduct is not only DEEPLY UNETHICAL, it is also a privilege reserved EXCLUSIVELY for cohorts of The Chairman's Office. Anyone caught engaging in this behavior will themselves be used as a footrest." 1
"Exhausted sigh. Why are you back here? Haven't you got Business to take care of?"
"Excuse me! This is an employees only area! Kindly collect your employee e-ID first, or I will call Security."
"At some point, just accept that The Chairman knows best."